This picture  is probably one of my favorite pictures of my parents. It is a good picture , not their best by far , but to me it speaks so much. It was taken when Daddy was about to go in to have a biopsy done to see if he had lung cancer, which he indeed did. Since I couldn't be there they snapped a quick picture with a cell phone and sent it to let me know they were ok. When I got it I saw my parents staring back at me both with smiles already knowing in their hearts what they had to face. In this one little cell phone picture I can see the strength and love that they share. That they always lean on each other and together they can stand. Looking head on into the future ready to fight and not ready to give up! They are why I fight cancer. My Mama has already had her own battle with cancer and now she is supporting my Daddy through his.They taught me to be a fighter and now I fight for them and for all of the others who have to face this disease. I want to see an end to cancer. Please help me in my fight!  To make a donation In Honor or Memory of someone who has been touched by cancer please visit my website at

http://main.acsevents.org/goto/tammyhowell  

to make a donation. Please pray that God will let a cure be found, because He is the true healer!

In Christ Alone,

Tammy Howell

   

My walk is specially dedicated to the following people: 

In Honor of Melissa Barnes

In Honor of Billy Barnes

In Honor Of Neka Perkins

In Honor of John Dee Hastings

In Memory of  Debbie Madewell

Lately I have been pretty depressed. With all that is going on in this world it is hard not to be. I admit I have the life most would like to have. I have a wonderful husband, a nice apartment, a dependable car. I don't have to work, but by any means we are not rich. But yet with all of this I still find it hard to get up and face each coming day. I feel like I have no purpose in life. Well that is until this weekend.

God puts people in your life for a reason, and I have to say that without Mike I would not be who I am today. This weekend he and God helped me to see that it is the little things that we do that make this life special. I finally realized that no I may not have one BIG purpose in life but, maybe just a bunch of very small things. And in Gods kingdom that is very important.

It is kind of like baking a cake. If one ingredient is left out, the cake will crumble. But when everything is measured carefully and patiently, it will turn out just the way it should. It is the same with God, If one person fails to see, things come out differently, but when we all contribute our small parts and we rely patiently on God, all things will come together for his Glory.

I may not know what God has waiting in the future for me. I may not get what I want, or what I think I need. However I do know that God will care for me and love me, and give me the things he knows I need. I also know that I am here for if no other purpose to love and serve him.  I may not save a life, or make a difference in the world. I may not be a Doctor, a Lawyer, or a professional anything.  I am okay with that, because you see I am so much more in His eyes, I am a child of the Risen King, and that is the only title I will ever need.

Proverbs 14:13 - Even in laughter the heart may ache and joy may end in grief. (NIV)

I think God wants us to realize that it is normal to hurt and it is alright to grieve.  We can't always tell what someone is feeling on the inside. People walk around every day and hide behind fake smiles. They seem so happy and up beat, but behind closed doors they fall apart. It is okay to show emotion to God, you don't have to be fake. The Lord knows your heart , He never promised we wouldn't have heart ache or grief , but He did promise that he would carry us through it. He carried me through and He will for you to. He just wants you to be real about it. Tell him you don't understand tell him you hurt. He wants us to pour our hearts out to Him, so He can fill us with His Joy and His Love. That being said I would like to share a little piece of my Testimony with you guys.


  I have seen many heart aches in my life . None of them have ever been more than God could heal though. I think back to April 5th 2007. On that day My husbands mother passed away. She was really a great Mother- in- law and we had such a unique relationship. We were more Mother and Daughter, in stead of  Mother- in -law and Daughter- in -law. I remember the day she came to the end of her earthly journey. At 1:13 pm, with Mike and I at her side she let go of this life to go on to her eternal one. I remember standing there in silence tears streaming down my face, and havening a sense of peace and for a brief moment happiness. I know it sounds bad , but yes happiness because I knew she had went to be with the Lord. She would not be in pain anymore. Her hands would no longer be mangled by the advancement of rheumatoid arthritis. She no longer needed a walker to make it from here  to there. In that moment of brief silence , it seemed like every emotion that could was over me did. I felt as if my heart was being ripped from my chest.. This lifeless shell that lay there had held the soul of one of the most caring and loving  women I had ever met. I thought of the good times we had together and a small laugh escaped as I thought of all the silly things she was known for saying. This woman who had brought so many good times into my life was now gone.

In my laughter my heart was broken, and all of the joy she had spread through her life had ended in the grief of those left behind.  I never doubted God had a plan in all of this , but it still amazes me to know just exactly what he had done in all of this. Through Mom Pats death I became closer to God. I knew the only thing to heal my heart was to assure I would see her again one day.  I figured the best way was to start back to church, so the following Sunday I attended church for the first time in years.  I felt at home in church. I started attending regularly and I found healing , from the loss of Mom Pat and from scars I had been carrying from my past. Through her passing God  drew me into his arms and showed me that all of those years I had spent fighting against Church, all he wanted was a relationship. I cherish the time I spent with Mom Pat , but more than that I cherish the relationship with Jesus that came in her passing.




In Christ Alone!

Tammy